No shampoo...WTF?

I haven't blogged in a while.  Life hasn't been interesting or inspiring.  Anyway, I thought I'd throw this quote up I found that really made me think.  And no, it has nothing to do with no shampoo.  

"The bonds between ourselves and another person exists only in our minds. Memory as it grows fainter loosens them, and notwithstanding the illusion by which we want to be duped and which, out of love, friendship, politeness, deference, duty, we dupe other people, we exist alone. Man is the creature who cannot escape from himself, who knows other people only in himself, and when he asserts the contrary, he is lying." Marcel Proust

It really made me think about all the relationships I have/had in my life.  We're some of them just in my mind?  Did I waste time investing more in them than I should have because I thought they were much more meaningful than the other person involved?  Probably.  I'm a sensitive person and I used to put everything I had in my relationships whether they be with friends, lovers, coworkers, someone I passed daily on the street...the thing is now, I don't.  I'm detached from the world I live in.  By choice but I say only mostly choice, I'd say a lot is circumstantial.  It sucks and I've lost my way to getting back to being that person, but in retrospect, even if I could I don't think there is a middle ground with that person and I don't have expendable energy to be her anymore.  She's lost to my past.  Maybe it's for the best.  

So on to the no shampoo.  I take a lot of medicines. It all eventually grows out into your hair.  Part of the reason I just chopped it off. Shampoo has a lot of shit in it.  Have you ever just read the back of the bottle and could you even pronounce most of the words?  So I did some research, and thought I'd try some other methods.  Some theories were that some shampoos actually make your hair greasy so you will wash it more than it is needed therefore you purchase their product more often.  I don't know if that's true but if I was the one pocketing the money of a product, sounds like an excellent idea to me, as long as it makes the hair look good for a day or so and smells good and doesn't harm the hair in the process!  

So the method I chose is baking soda for the wash (mixing it with warm water), there are mixed reviews on baking soda and a lemon juice rince.  You can google them, sorry, I didn't prepare links because I didn't think about writing a blog today.  But I did snap a few pictures and maybe I'll keep some notes and share them on a little while.  My hair gets really greasy and its blond and there is no hiding it, so it will be interesting to see how long it takes for my hair to adjust and how it does.  As of now, my hair is greasy after one day and I have used a multitude of cheap to expensive shampoos recommended by professionals.  Some of it I blame on my medicines I take, some of it is our water, we have been in this house a year and a half now and I think this is about normal now for my hair as far as our water, and the rest is friggin hormones.  My next plan will be Castille soap with a little essential oil I think.  

Hello from the outside...

Ever feel like you are always just moments in time chasing some disconnect in your life?  Or maybe just a passenger on a train helplessly watching it all fly by because there are no stops to get off to go exactly where you need to be in time?  I feel like that a lot.  This song just reminds me of it all,  

Emojis...truly a caveman language.

A dusted off bookshelves classic rant...

So, we text, we email, we never speak on the phone anymore and if we are lucky we get words spelled out the way good old Webster's said they should be spelled.  That's why we were tortured all through primary school with spelling tests, right?  To learn to spell...then came text speak.  And now?  The dreadful emoji's.  

Yes, I am as guilty as anyone else 😈.  But I think some people...and I'm not about to start naming names like to hide behind the emoji.  You see, just like the hand written letter, a certain part of communication became lost as we began using these stranger types of written languages.  There is no inflection in writing, meaning you can't get emotion from the raise of a voice, the pitch of a voice changing, or a facial expression.  Sure, turn on all caps and suddenly it is assumed one is yelling, but that is about it. Studying a face, listening to the sound of a voice...those things can give so very much the act of communicating with someone and are just as important, and maybe arguably more important as the words one is saying.  Over the phone, you loose the facial expressions.  Over paper, written technology, you loose facial expressions and the sound of the voice.  Use emoji's and then everything is hidden behind a cutesy little cartoon character that I truly believe was developed to help define and bring emotion back into texting, but really it's just a cutesy little cartoon character that a thousand different meanings can be read into it.  Pick a happy face when you are crying, a pissed face when you really aren't.  In person, it gets more difficult to fake those things. Useless. Cartoon. Characters. 👍

Hey, here's an idea, stick to FaceTime or Skype.  Who gives a flying f*&@ what you look like, at least it is 9 times closer to the real thing, even 3000 miles away. 

Say something...

Here is another dusty draft that deserves to be heard. Music has always been my way of thinking things through, getting things out. It's also very private and emotional for me. I know, weird right? I don't often listen where others can hear me because often it just hits to deep. I guess maybe it goes along with the accusation of over analyzing, lol. Hence why I got out of counseling as a degree, just could never take that coat off. Anyway... Love the sand art, it's incredible.

~blu

Another day checked off the calendar of life...

Nothing new today except I'm getting sick.  My immune system is crap.  I have had complex regional pain syndrome as the result of a fairly common surgery done in 2008, but as surgeries can go, something went wrong and I have some nerve related pain issues.  From that I deal with a plethora of issues stacked on top...imagine a game of Jenga if you will.

Anyway, I'm going into a flare up of symptoms that I have been fighting off for over a week now, but I think I am loosing the battle.  Anything can set them off, stress, travel, nothing much at all...and I have them all too frequently and nothing to control the pain with, so I just cope, or not cope, would be the better term, I just suck it up and feel slightly sorry for myself while I'm in pain.  It's somewhat like that I have accepted being tired of going to the crap shot docs that want to stick needles in me and 'try' different techniques that I have tried in the past. I also have seen first hand from a family member what those things can do, so there is a fear factor built in.  Jump out of a plane?  Sure!  Come at my spine and hypersensitive nerves with needles, no f*ing way.  

Anyway, no food post tonight as I had no energy to deal with any of it all.  I don't even know if anyone reads these things so I don't know if it's worth posting them.  I have a few in the dust my draft box that I'll get around to polishing them, and maybe posting.  Good night world. 

My cuddle buddy when I don't feel well. Ashley.  I think she's just here for the heating pad on my bed though.  I'm not offended though, I don't blame her one bit!  

Creamy chicken burritos, yummy!

Sorry, I don't have pictures, but this was totally yummy!
So, here goes:

2 frozen boneless chicken breasts
8 oz of cream cheese
2 cups of salsa
1 package of frozen spinach
Toss it all in the slow cooker on high until the chicken is cooked through and easily shredded. I put them on tomato tortillas and folded them up like a burritos. I didn't think they needed anything else.

1/2 twin approved and two adult approved. We both though it would work well as a dip with Hawiian bread, taking a round loaf, cutting out the center and spooning the dip Into the center, then allowing people to pull apart the bread and spoon out the dip the want. Our, serve it with crackers or tortilla chips, heck, even pita chips.

You don't get a picture of the yummy food, but I can give you a pic of my in my fuzzy leg warmers since wearing them with shorts is the only way to wear them in SoCal, lol!

I have faith...

I found this blog by Anna Bashedly. I found it worthy of reposting it, it is stunningly similar to an experience that has shaped my life.

"A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” ―Elizabeth Gilbert

Our hearts kept it simple.

I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. I don’t really know when it exactly happened, but somewhere in between our intense eye contact and wiping my tears away as my walls came down that I spent years crafting, I crashed into you fully and never looked back.
My heart was unguarded, and I gave you all of me. We didn’t just hang out. We played. Our souls were alive - we were like two little kids again seeing the world for the first time - being with you multiplied all the good in life and changed me forever.

But our minds were another story.

We were complicated people, you and I. We weren’t simple. Our minds were analytical and imaginative and we thought about everything. A lot. We ended up making every situation in our life about 100x more difficult than it had to be.

We argued a lot. I fought with you at inopportune times, but my anger was fueled by my passion and emotions for you. I cared. I loved you. I loved all of you. I loved that I was the only one you showed certain parts of yourself to, you gave me all of you. I wiped your tears as you spoke about your family, there’s nothing in this world I loved more than holding your hand and whispering words of reassurance in your ear, because I knew you weren’t broken, you were just bent. And I loved all your edges, all your roughness. Your imperfections were perfect to me.

I challenged you because I loved you.

I confronted you a lot. I’m not the type of girl who nods and laughs and is always comfortable, I wasn't easy — as in, I didn't just "go with the flow.” But that’s because I craved more from you - I had opinions and big dreams for the future, I wanted the best for you. I never put up with not getting everything I deserved.

I never let you get away with slacking on your talents or putting in effort towards our relationship because I knew what we had. And you were never left uninspired or unsatisfied.

You broke my heart.

Not too long into our magic, things started to turn. The fireworks combusted, leaving us burned and confused. We wanted it so badly that we thought there was a logical solution to working out our differences. But there wasn’t.

The truth is, you just weren’t ready. Your past, your demons, whatever the reason was, you started to push me away. You loved me in a way I have never been loved but you still weren’t ready. And that was the hardest thing to accept.
I knew I had to let go. Because you never ever have to convince or inspire someone to do the work to be ready.

There are many things I never thanked you for.

I thought I couldn’t live without you, but my heart is finally starting to beat again. You broke my heart open and new light got in, you made me so desperate and out of control that I had to transform my life, and I did.
I thought I would grow old with you, but sometimes, life has other plans. That doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving you. When someone touches your heart, they will infinitely be there.

I had so much anger and pain, it was gnawing away at me, slowly destroying me. But then I realized that our love wasn’t the kind that results in the fusing of two lives into one, it was the kind of love that gave me new life, that taught me much more than a happily ever after ever could. And I don’t regret a second of it.

Now, I found that many years ago and saved it. It is as if some of the words came right out of my mouth. This is another one of my blogs that has been sitting dusty in my draft box that I thought should finally see the light of the day. Maybe, someone will read it who's heart is breaking, and will hold on with a little more patience, or maybe the person that isn't ready yet, will look at theirselves and realize that ready is something you become through love, and that life is short, so just jump already...

My two cents on Elizabeth Gibert's idea of soul mates? BS. I have faith that soul mates exist. I have faith that soul mates can co-exist.