the beginning of the domino line...

As long as I remember as a young child, playing with dominos fascinated me.  I never knew any rules, never played with anyone, I just was enthralled with standing them up in rows and patterns and then tipping them over to have them fall.  I used our tiny kitchen and the rough linoleum floor because that was the only place the dominos would stand up, the remainder of the tiny trailer I was raised in was carpeted.  How frustrated I would get when my sleeve of my shirt would hit a domino and would collapse my row before I was ready to tumble my masterpiece.  I really had little patience, I would give it maybe one more shot and then be done until another day.  The thrill of getting them all set up to see them fall in a satisfying order of perfection was thrilling to me, even though I know it was a chaotic mess all over my mother's kitchen floor.  I didn't really enjoy the cleaning up part after, really.  That was rather anticlimactic.  The endorphins were gone and my brain had already moved onto other things, a trial of being a child with an attention span limited to specific activities.  A poor habit that has followed me throughout life.

I realize now, sadly many, many years too late that life in general has been a game of dominos, much like I played as a child.  Several years before I became a legal adult, I balanced the first domino.  I don't think my domino line has ever gotten really long without them tumbling down.  At this time of my life, it seems like I can't keep one standing.  There are so many elements that come and crash the damn things down.  I wonder if I am the only one that feels this way, or do others have circles and rows and complete designs on their kitchen floors with them continuously adding more dominos on a daily basis? Is this normal?

People say I analyze things too much. I say I am just trying to understand a world that could be less complex, less exhausting. I want simple, where 2+2 really do add up to be 4. I'm just not sure something like that exists anymore. For the record, I started this blog last year, I just couldn't bring myself to publish it. A lot of things in life have changed. I guess maybe I'm tired of feeling as if I don't have a voice anymore. Maybe I'll blog more, maybe this and tomorrow night's dinner will be it, who knows. We'll just have to see how the dominos fall.